Charity...

I like to see myself as a charitable person. In terms of cash donation. In probably between MYR1 to MYR50 max, to reduce any bad karma I may had accumulated. Usually to Buddhist affliated associations on matters such as temple building, disaster struck populations. Sometimes to the blind people who came to food centers and in return I get a calender or a box of tissue papers which I didn't care much for. I don't expect anything in return. Today, during lunch, I was approached by a teenager who shoved a file into my face asking for donation whilst I was having my rice. Now, I hate people who disturbed me during mealtime. He was asking me to donate to some orphanage or terminal disease struck old folks. He had with him this file which carried photos and paper articles of the cause. This was not the first time I was approached, generally I just waved my hand as gently as I could be, say no and the person would go on. But this teenager was pretty persistent, to the extent that he asked me to stop eating and listened to what he would say. I kept saying no but still he stood there and eventually became a contest of will power between both of us. Eventually, I had to deliberately do some body language like heavy sighing and sour/angry face...and with a face like mine, who wouldn't be scared? Of course I wasn't angry at all, just a little play acting...maybe a bit agitated that's all. He went away and somehow I consciously trailed his movement as to whether he would turn around and showed me his mid finger or utter some disparaging remarks under his breathe as a departing final shot at me (it had happened before...). He didn't. What upset me came up a while later, as at the back of my mind, I was questioning myself, is it for real or a con job, the donation I mean? What if my donation could really made a difference? I just couldn't come up with an answer but the feeling of guilt was not really nice...